...like a rock at the bottom of the ocean!

And for love’s sake, each mistake, ah, you forgave...

And soon both of us learned to trust...

Not run away, it was no time to play

We build it up and build it up and build it up

And now it’s solid

Solid as a rock

That’s what this love is

That’s what we’ve got…

And nothing’s changed it (Ooh)

The thrill is still hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot

You didn’t turn away

When the sky went gray

Somehow we managed

We had to stick together (Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…)

You didn’t bat an eye

When I made you cry

We knew down the line

We would make it better...

- Solid (Ashford & Simpson)

*shout.out to C.M - I borrowed your idea for the song at the top, it was just SO befitting!* ;-)

When you have the luxury of having true blue friends - you understand the lyrics of this song and exactly what they really mean. 2008 was a "different" year for me. I had quite a few firsts happen to me - and not all of them were good, but life lessons none-the-less. I don't have it in me to do a WHOLE New Year Blog right now - but to all of my TRUE.BLUE folk, know that I love and appreciate you so much...probably more than I ever have before!!!!! Thank you for hanging in there with me over the year(s) and I look forward to another year of loving you...

...for a lifetime!

Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of A Star

SkylerNicole

I Wonder If He Knows...

* I wonder if he knows what I'm feeling...

I think I forgot what it felt like to not have to worry about trying SO hard FOR someone - and instead just be. I think I forgot what it felt like to enjoy walking the journey together with another because I was always running out of breath trying to go the EXTRA mile and I always ended up at the end by myself.

* I wonder if he knows that I hope he stays around...

I know I'm good at pushing people away at the drop of a dime. I know it's easy for me to become "uninterested" sometimes and just move on to someone else because the person isn't WHO I want them to be...but not now, not this time.

* I wonder if he knows that he makes me smile...

I laugh all the time when something is funny - I smile when something touches me. He touches me... He gives the BEST hugs...I feel safe, secure, wanted - even NEEDED when his arms are around me. He looks at me and I can see that he doesn't want to be anywhere else but by my side. *pauses to smile*


I wonder if he knows that he's changed my outlook...that I no longer view him as I did in times past. I wonder if he knows that he's changed my mind...that I no longer think of him as just an option - but more along the lines of a priority. I wonder if he knows...


Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of A Star,
SkylerNicole

Me, You, and Him...

You keep reaching out for me - only I can't reach back because my arms are full...I keep holding on to the idea of him - and I can't explain why.

*While you're thinking of me - I'm wishing for him...
*While you're calling me - I'm text messaging him...
*While you're trying to make me a part of your reality - I'm dreaming about what a life with him would be like...

*You've been wondering why I haven't called - I'm wondering why he wont call me back...
*I can't drive across town to hang out with you - but I'd fly across states to catch a glimpse of him...

Why?? Could be a deeper reason...could just be stupidity...

*He stresses me out - and then you rub the knots out of my neck...
*He forgets that I exist - and then you show up only because you know I'll be there...
*He's too busy to communicate - and yet you have time to write a song just for me...
*He didn't mean to catch feelings - and you willingly admit that you're in love...

Why are things so complicated, or rather - why do we MAKE things so complicated???


Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions Of a Star

SkylerNicole

Roses...

It seems very cliche to do this blog RIGHT NOW - simply because it's "THAT" time of year but I'm going to do it anyway. It's not to say that I'm not thankful any other time of the year, because I am, it's just that because of the season there is a bit of EXTRA focus on exactly 'HOW' thankful I really am. There is a saying to "give people their flowers while they live" (meaning they wont be able to smell them when they're dead)...this is just my way of extending ROSES to a few of those deserving parties in my life for all that they've done for me this year...

Hoping you know WHICH one you are, here is:

A rose for you Twin... to thank you for your unconditional friendship. Thank you for laughing with me and for NOT crying with me, but instead causing me to laugh through MY tears... Thank you for helping me to be aware of ALL points of view at all times, and for having my back no matter what. Thank you for momentarily laying down the happenings in your life to help me find, mediate, face up THEN put back together the pieces of MY life! "Greater love hath no man than this..."

A rose for you Boots... to thank you for being such an integral part of my past, present, and future. I miss you like crazy...the whole house pile-ups in bed, the enormous fits of laughter, the "out of the blue" songs, and the "SHOUTS" - LOL. You are GREAT, your worth can NOT be measured, and I'm forever grateful to be connected to you for LIFE!

A rose for you Sabrina Michelle... to thank you for being a leader, a friend, a confidant, and a sister all rolled up into one. I can count on you to both "TRAIN" me (it's not trouble...lol) and let me know how proud of me you are ALL IN ONE BREATH - and if I never told you before, it means A LOT! Thank you for a kind of relationship I never saw coming - but can't imagine what my life would be like without it...

A rose for you Scooby-Doo-Doo... to thank you for watering and nurturing this seed with me ensuring that it blossomed into being the beautiful flower it was DESTINED to be. We sometimes sit and wonder how such a "closeness" comes about - and sometimes we don't...we're just thankful for it and pray that the bond only grows stronger. Thank you for being you at all times, for understanding who I am, and for helping me to share a piece of me with the world. You know I've got you covered...

A rose for you Chandelier FranJean... to thank you for extending your kinship and your friendship to me. Thank you for sharing your family, your home, your insight, and your words of wisdom with me. You ROCK... :-D

A rose for you Kicks Kouture... to thank you for being a sister and a light.bulb! I appreciate our similarities and our differences - everything that makes us such a phenomenal pair. This is JUST the beginning of GREAT things to come. Let's set 'em up - and tell 'em to KICK ROCKS (we didn't come to take sides...we came to TAKE OVA'!!!!!!!)

A rose for you Rolls Royce... for not allowing miles, cities, states, or countries to break the bond that we have. It matters NOT how we came to be - what matters is that we ARE!!!! The saying about family is that "blood is thicker than water" - well that may very well be true - but the fact of the matter is that you need BOTH of them to survive! I love you so much more than words can say...thank you for being my blood AND water!

A rose for you GoodeGoode... for showing up when I expected no one to be there! Your presence said SO much more than words really could at that point...I needed that and didn't even know it! Thank you for being...don't ever leave me - if it wasn't evident before, know now - I NEED U!

A rose for you Hip Hop... for, over the years, growing me up - and in your own way somehow playing a major part in shaping me into being the woman I am today. Thank you for taking me through one of the worst pains I've ever known - be it unintentional or not... Thank you - because in that time I learned more about myself than I had ever known before. I now know that I can endure what feels like utter destruction and still, after all is said and done, be ME!

A rose for you Mr. Lieutenant... for pricking my heart and showing me that it hadn't lost it's ability to FEEL. Thank you for revealing to me that I was still "capable"...capable of being consistent even in other's inconsistencies, capable of being sincere in the midst of unsure and untrustworthy situations, capable of caring when it SEEMS that others could care less... Thank you for showing me that my assumptions were indeed FACTS - and still somehow reminding me that "FACT" isn't necessarily "TRUTH"...

This is not CLOSE to the end of my list - it would take DAYS to complete it... but I just wanted to take a little time to say "THANKS"! Love is...YOU!




Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of A Star

SkylerNicole

The Art of Forgiving...

I've been banging my head in for MONTHS trying to figure out exactly what I needed to do to finally move past my point of frustration...my flares of anger...my stem of sadness...my heartbreak...and in one night, in one dream, it came to me. I had to FORGIVE!! Now, when I first woke up TRUST that I was as confused as ever and maybe even a little perturbed because I thought that I had ALREADY done all the forgiving that was necessary to "move on"...so WHY I was still in this place was "blowing me" (for lack of a better phrase). However, in my dream I realized that the person I had YET to really forgive was ME...

Just as I had for 7 years prior to this day, I had put TOO much energy into this other person when the REAL focal point should have been me. I felt that I needed to forgive HIM in order to be okay, so I did. But after I was STILL somehow experiencing sadness, resentment, bitterness, anger, and hostility I thought that perhaps I had just misled myself and hadn't really forgiven him at all. Not so... I just hadn't taken the time to forgive me. So all of the sadness, resentment, bitterness, and anger was just MISPLACED...it wasn't that I was still mad with him - I was upset with me.

I was mad at myself for not walking away before when I KNEW I should have...I was disappointed in myself for not saying EVERYTHING that I REALLY wanted to say WHEN I wanted to say it...I was resentful because I had made a HUMAN BEING the CENTER of my existence...I was indignant because I thought "I" hadn't done something right and "that" was why you did what you did...I was cynical about the idea of love and finding another to make me feel the way you did...I was mystified as to why it couldn't have been, or why it WASN'T me.

So I was walking around constantly thinking that he still had some sort of "hold" on me and THAT was why I couldn't walk away from this thing although I managed to walk away from him...when really it was that I was taking all of MY issues and [wrongfully] tying them to him and THAT was the thing keeping me in that same place.

So today I forgave myself! I stopped being mad at myself for staying and became pleased with knowing that I was capable of the sincerest form of commitment...I was no longer disappointed in myself but instead satisfied with knowing that I gained more insight of when TO and when NOT TO bridle my tongue...I stopped being resentful but found tranquility in knowing THE TRUE Center of my existence - my reason for being...I stopped being indignant at what I thought were my wrong doings and calmly recognized that "I can't make you love me if you don't" (no matter WHAT I do)...I stopped being cynical about love and started being optimistic, knowing that BETTER was in store for me...I stopped being mystified and became enlightened - for MY good, for HIS Glory!!!

I'm definitely not wishing to be "best friends" again (if we were really even BEST friends to begin with), but on some level I was tired of feeling "I need to run in the opposite direction" every time I smelled you coming. So with this breakthrough I am glad to know that the sight of him wont make me want to puke, or gag, or cry, or scream, or just be OVERLY rude, or run - but in its place just accept what was allowed, say "Hi", and keep it movin...

Forgive...and be forgiven!

Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of A Star!

SkylerNicole

Can I Have My Heart Back...Please????

"How could the one I gave my heart to...????"

I understand that I willingly GAVE you my heart...I'm not confused about that. I made a CONSCIOUS decision to give you the BEST part of me - that thing which exudes life and love...the essence of my very being. But YOU made a promise to keep it safely in the palm of your hand and do it no harm...yet you BROKE it. YOU promised to take FULL responsibility of my happiness...yet today you're the epitome of sadness for me. Strange...

I used to think of you and my heart would skip a beat because of the joy that I attached to your existence...yet now when I think of you I feel numb (no beats, no skips, no murmurs) because in losing you, sad to say, I lost "it". So I'm asking, "can I have my heart back...please?" It's obvious that YOU don't want it... You CLAIMED that you needed it, but it seems that you're doing very well without it... Me, on the other-hand...I can't survive without it.

I understand that if my heart still resides with you - then I have NOTHING to give. Sure I can call someone else and talk to the wee hours of the morning, of course I can text any guy until all of my fingers cramp up, I can type an email as long as your #1 best-seller (WITH my eyes closed)...but if at the end of those MANY phone-calls, in the close of every "sincere" text, in the last line of all of my emails I can only say "bye/Lata" and never "I love you" - what do they really mean?? So will you PLEASE return MY heart to me so that I may one day GIVE it to it's RIGHTful owner? YOU've done a wonderful job of convincing me that it no longer belongs with you...

You don't have to be concerned with trying to restore what YOU broke...just return it, and make sure to give me ALL of the pieces. Thankfully the space-holder that now dwells in my chest is much warmer than an "ice-box" and once I empty in all of my broken pieces - with the right nourishment and sustenance, I'm sure, it'll be WHOLE and HEALTHY once again...

**said in my best "Ellen" voice** ...give it, I got it!!!

Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of a Star,
SkylerNicole

Welcome...

Good evening readers! Welcome to my blog spot:

When you're out in the public eye it is sometimes easier to put on a "smiley face" and cover up whatever issues may lurk underneath those smiles than to be transparent and let the world know that "I hurt too". There is a certain amount of truth in saying that smiling and fronting keeps your "stuff" private - but on the converse side of things, it can also keep you bound if you don't ever release it...

Knowing the repercussions of "holding it in" all too well, I've decided to try and free myself of some of the baggage I've been carrying around with me for days, weeks, months, years, decades even - and take advantage of this outlet called BLOGGING. I'm here to share with the world what goes on beyond the smiles YOU may see everyday...

Beyond The Smiles: The Confessions of A Star

Enjoy!

Skyler Nicole